30 Prairie Dogs Under 30 to Watch!
The world is filled with articles about young humans accomplishing amazing things. These articles mostly serve to make everyone who reads them feel like worthless underachievers who can’t even order coffee without saying something awkward, let alone publish a bestselling novel.
Also, you might not have thought about this, but there are a lot of humans who are older than 30. Whhhaaatttt? That’s so weird, right? The average life expectancy for people living in the United States is somewhere around 77. I’m not sure if the people making these 30 Under 30 lists are aware of that fact.
Prairie dogs, on the other hand, only live 3–5 years in the wild. Regardless of your opinion on prairie dogs, you have to agree that’s much shorter than the average human life span. This makes them the perfect candidates for a 30 under 30 list! No prairie dog is excluded, because if any prairie dog were to make it to 30, they’d probably be a ghost, vampire or zombie and would have other things to worry about besides lists.
So, here they are. The fabulous, fun and talented 30 Prairie Dogs Under 30!
Fredrick Snipple De Putt Putt
Fredrick Snipple De Putt Putt lives in a large, vacant field and enjoys rocking back and forth while making weird chirping noises. Sometimes he does this for upwards of eight hours at a time, demonstrating great stamina and a disinclination toward boredom. It’s one of the reasons the field has remained vacant for so long. At 2 years old, Fredrick has already groomed 345 other prairie dogs (mostly female) and also coined the term “nempty” to describe an empty nest.
Binny Coy Cheeks
Binny can fit more grasshoppers in her mouth than any other prairie dog in recorded history. At least, that’s what she tells people. It’s a hard claim to fact check, so we’re gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. This writer can confirm that she really can put fit a lot of stuff in there and it’s both gross and memorizing. At 1.5 years old and 14 inches long, she also placed fourth in the Lil’ Miss Saskatchewanie Dance Champion 2020 Festival and Root Roast, proving that Binny’s talents are manifold.
Wibble Bom Bom the Third
Wimbble is one of the youngest prairie dogs ever to make this list, but he carries a proud legacy on his tiny shoulders. Over the years the Bom Bom family has been very influential in refining the art of tormenting farmers. Old Harper Bom Bom the Second sent a farmer to the looney bin by destroying an entire crop of tomatoes with a network of warrens that expanded far further than they needed to. The story is still told today. Wimble recently destroyed a community garden all by himself, proving he’s well on his way toward living up to the noble Bom Bom name.
Frim has been featured in dozens of different stock photographs and one time they almost made it into an edition of National Geographic. Somehow Frim has developed a sixth sense for knowing when a camera is in the vicinity. Frim is also an expert at both “classic” and “experimental” prairie dog poses. Fame has yet to go to Frim’s head, as they still make time to volunteer every Saturday at a home for arthritic rodents. Frim is 4 years old and it’s impossible to imagine a more picturesque prairie dog.
Herbert and Ida Posty Yuk
Herbert and Ida met during a late night tick cleansing ritual and have been inseparable ever since. While they’re not exclusive (prairie dogs typically aren’t) they did begin a bluegrass duo called The Barking Bindles. They travel the country sharing their “music” with other prairie dogs, horses, beetles, birds, humans, and any other creature willing to not cover their ears in pain. Herbert and Ida are also parents to 24 small prairie dogs and, for the sake of convenience and brevity, we’re going to slap those pups on the list and call it an even 30.