Illustration by author

An introduction of sorts

Hi there! My name is Sarah. I’ve been writing on Medium for a few years. In 2018 I quit my job and began freelancing. At the same time I started writing here, because the internet told me it was The Thing To Do. My plan was to create helpful content about writing, marketing and freelancing, but early on I lost the script. Things got… silly.

(Inexplicably, I have signed a few clients because of my writing on Medium. I wonder which piece won them over - if it was the one about clown sharks or the one where I ponder…

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Just as inspiring! Maybe! Probably not.

The other day I started wondering how many of the quotes attributed to famous people have been touched up by helpful editors, interns and/or ghostwriters. Is it possible we’re giving these folks more credit than they deserve?

Maybe Steve Jobs didn’t actually say:

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. …

Photo by Khashayar Kouchpeydeh on Unsplash

A fight for the ages

The Horrible Headache descended at 4:43pm, a tangle of teeth and 300 wiggly arms, each with a cartoon mallet clenched in its claws. It spun and spun, attaching its sticky suckers to the interior of Skullsvania. Laughing to itself, it gradually increased in size.

The inhabitants of Skullsvania were initially unconcerned. They’d met with headaches before and knew their reigns to be typically brief. Normally an intervention by the Good Knight’s Sleep was enough to usher in victory against a headache. …

Photo by Elisa Calvet B. on Unsplash

The honest, ugly truth

Hello. I write novels. I haven’t published anything, but I have finished three novels, which feels like a huge accomplishment for someone who isn’t entirely certain if she remembered to floss her teeth last night.

I’m not an expert at any of this. There are far better novelists out there, ones who have actually, oh, I don’t know… published and sold books. There are also deeply focused writers who churn out pages like frenetic typing Kermit gifs. They wake at 4am every morning and spend 3 hours working on their novels before they go to work. Those authors have their…

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a short story

Helen celebrated her promotion with a full bag of coho jalapeño tacos from Spicy Ted’s Taco Truck on the corner of 5th and Pew. Normally she was a two taco person, but special days called for exceptions. Helen stood in line for half an hour to acquire the bag of tacos, then carried it clutched to her stomach all the way to her apartment on 10th and Swine. The smell of coho and jalapeño swirled around the elevator as she rode up to the 14th floor.

Once inside, Helen kicked away her high heels and peeled off the ridiculous panty…

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Well. Here we go.

I’ve only ever owned one car.

She was my first grown-up purchase. After graduation it became quickly evident that the scooter I’d used to zip around campus wasn’t going to cut it on the slippery streets of Seattle.

My dad helped me find her on eBay. She was a used 2002 Hundai Santa Fe with silver skin peppered in dents. She’d previously been involved in a roll-over situation, but her guts were unharmed. While her previous owner wasn’t thrilled at the thought of hanging onto an imperfect vehicle, I was poor and open to the idea.

She cost $7000. It…

Photo by Mick De Paola on Unsplash

The tale of Orson and Elayna

My Elayna was beautiful. Not the sort of beautiful that gets lots of attention on Instagram, but the kind that sparks and flashes with excitement at news of a new bookstore opening one town over. Sometimes she’d burst into an enthusiastic monologue about the nutritional value of oat milk and for a moment I’d imagine her at the head of an ancient army, mustering the troops with her sword drawn and eyes turned toward the sun.

Elayna’s beauty wasn’t the only reason I loved her. I loved our life together. Mostly it was the way we woke each morning eager…

Photo by Camille Minouflet on Unsplash

And I’m totally not a vigilante, ha ha, why would you think that?

Why, hello. I didn’t expect to run into anyone here on this poorly lit city street where crimsters are frequently found tied up in neat bundles with sticky notes addressed to the district attorney tacked to their foreheads. Not that I have anything to do with that. Ha ha.

No, I’m just a regular bloke taking a late night walkskie in one of the most dangerous parts of town.

This thing sticking out of my pocket? Oh, it’s not a real miniature gatling gun with 3 settings (tickle > taser > destroy) and a custom extension that allows me to…

Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

a short story

A few years ago I got an invitation from my cousin Artie asking me to spend a week at his home. The invitation came as a surprise, since the the two of us hadn’t seen or talked to each other in quite some time.

But I’d always had a friendly feeling for Artie, since the two of us shared an affinity for the strange. As children we’d swapped horror and sci-fi stories, competing to see who could write the most terrifying tale. …

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Because I definitely know how to do that. Definitely.

One of the things that happens as you get older is you begin adding steps to your nighttime routine. When I was young I’d plop into bed with my face unwashed and still covered in makeup, my teeth having only made contact with a toothbrush for 20 seconds max. Now I’m older and my bones frequently mistake themselves for musical instruments of the percussive variety and my skin is starting to weigh the pros and cons of sliding down to the floor. I take more care at night.

(At least I can console myself with the fact that I wasted…

Sarah Lofgren

Engaged in inadvisable wordsmitheries and other creative acts.

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