“Hey beautiful. I saw the picture you posted in the PNW Spelunkers and Snickerdoodle Enjoyers group and, although most of your face was concealed by your goggles and LEPTIOL SHORTHY Caving Helmet with the tough ABS shell, I was instantly captivated. Hope this isn’t too forward, but I’d love the chance to get to know you a little better.”
“Oh, hello. That’s very kind of you. However, you’re mistaken. That wasn’t a LEPTIOL SHORTHY Caving Helmet. It was a Blue Dazzler Equipment Quarter Dome and a Half Helmet. I’ve been saving up for the LEPTIOL SHORTHY, but it’s a bit pricy, you know?”
“Ha, I can’t believe I made that mistake! You must think I’m a total spelunking n00b. I’ve heard the Blue Dazzler Equipment Quarter Dome and a Half Helmet works well in a pinch. Maybe you could send me a selfie without the helmet?”
“Goggles on or off?”
“Off, please.”
“Here you go.”
“Oh, that’s hot, baby.”
“Thanks. Here’s another one with the goggles on, just in case.”
“Um, thanks. Also very sexy.”
“Those Grenton Protecto Sport Performance Eyewear Goggles are the best. Some people complain that the strap is too thick, but personally I think it’s far better than the Firm Sheppal 2000.5–998a.”
“Definitely. Your eyes are gorgeous, btw. I love your long eyelashes. Are you in a relationship?”
“Only with my first two loves, spelunking and snickerdoodle cookies.”
“Ha, totally. Hey, you ever done anything nasty in a cave?”
“Well, one time after a controlled abseil I found a dried beetle husk on a bedding-plane and instead of leaving it where I found it, I put it in my pocket.”
“That’s nasty?”
“I haven’t gotten to the nasty part yet.”
“Sorry, keep going.”
“Well, later I was getting hungry, so I reached into my pocket to grab a banana chip, but instead I grabbed the beetle husk and nibbled on it.”
“Ew!!!”
“Actually, it didn’t taste too bad.”
“Really? Wow!”
