Finding Peace Within My Own Ambition
A super villainess’s journey.
It’s a sad truth that women are often discouraged from wanting too much. We’re told to keep our ambitions realistic. Leave the big dreams to the men. Make the coffee. Knit the socks. Haunt the shabbiest alleyways and bribe only the lowest tier politicians, (the ones who decide on fines for improper gum disposal).
Social programing can be hard to overcome. Every time a woman imagines accomplishing something a little exciting, there’s a chance that a voice in her head is whispering, “No. This is too much.”
I understand. I’ve been there. Getting to a place where I can even speak my dreams aloud has been a slow journey.
I want to kidnap the grand ambassador and ransom him for 300 million dollars.
Why does it make me feel so silly to admit that? Why are the words so uncomfortable in my mouth?
I remember when I was a little girl and I used to put on my big boots and run around the house. “Ladies don’t make those kinds of noises!” yelled my mother. “They don’t run around like little banshees. Sit quietly on your bed and read a book.”
(I bet she wouldn’t have said that to my brother. If I had a brother. If I hadn’t sold him on the internet when I was five.)
She was my mother, so I believed her. I believed I was too noisy. I believed I was too much. I went to my room and cracked open my children’s edition of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, reading quietly like a good little lady.
But it was an act. I knew I was a fraud, putting on a performance as the kind of person she wanted.
When it wasn’t in my nature to do small, quiet things.
When I was told I couldn’t steal a nuclear missile from the federal government for my own nefarious purposes, did I take that advice to heart? No. Instead I stole five missiles. And I’m very happy with them.
But gaining the confidence took time.
In college I decided I wanted to be editor of the campus newspaper. The role was a natural fit for my talents and as a reporter I worked harder than anyone else. But the boys on the team weren’t comfortable having someone in a dress tell them what to do. They appointed a scruffy frat boy instead. He was a truly inspiring figurehead, motivating the team to new heights of achievement with his unique mix of apathy and mange-scented body spray.
I wasted too much time wondering what was wrong with me. Long nights passed while I sat awake, feeling guilty for even wanting the role.
I wish it occurred to me earlier that I could simply poison the keg at the frat’s annual Braless Toga Party Raising Money for Starving Children and Cute Prairie Dogs / Hot Chicks Only party.
Once scruffy was out of the way, I was able to use my new position as editor to influence the student body and cover up crimes. It worked out pretty well for me.
But I’m not just here to talk about me.
I’m hoping my experiences will motivate you.
What dreams have you tucked away, because they were too big, too impossible?
Perhaps you dream of keeping a harem of man slaves to rub your feet and cook you omelets. Girl, nothing is more possible! Send me a DM and I can hook you up with all kinds of resources for the enterprising owner of a man clan.
Maybe you, like me, have an attraction to subterfuge and big, shiny weapons. People tell you it’s a boys’ game, but you can’t stop scribbling doodles of torpedoes with hearts on them. Don’t twist yourself into the shape the world expects. The heart wants what it wants. And sometimes that means big kabooms.
Maybe you’d rather go old school, dabbling in curses and princess murder. It’s not my preference, but someone has to do it. Otherwise where would we get the most important cultural offerings our world has to give: Disney movies?
When that voice kicks up, telling you your ambitions are too noisy and too big, just stuff it into a burlap sack, fill the sack with rocks and drop it in the river. Then fill the river with radioactive slime for daring to think it might be better than you.
You CAN be the super villainess of your dreams.
Look at me!
Just last week I invented a laser that can detect and assassinate people who spit out their gum on the street. Now we don’t even need lower tier politicians!
Don’t run from your ambitions. Embrace them. Proclaim them. Learn to find peace within them, as you begin to live the life you’re meant to live.
Sure I’m a just a girl.
But, with enough courage and grit, I can be a pretty bad one.
And so can you.
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