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Getting a Job the Mary Poppins Way

Don’t be an unemployed codfish!

Finding a job is harder than ever. Currently there are millions of unemployed people wandering all over the United States and roughly 3.5 available jobs. A normal job seeker might despair, but you aren’t a normal job seeker, are you? Why, no! You’re practically perfect in every way and instead of wallowing in a sewer filled with your own tears, you’re prepared to pound the pavement in your polished boots and become indispensable to some lucky employer.

We should all consider looking to the ultimate job-getter, Mary Poppins, for clues as to how we can wind up happily employed without all the muss and fuss.

Don’t check traditional wanted ads.

Sure, it might seem like a slam dunk to go through all those LinkedIn listings and apply to the ones relating to your skills and experience. You adorable dunce. No one gets a job via LinkedIn! Mary Poppins knew better than to waste her time scrolling around online. Instead she listened to her trusty umbrella and let the cosmic vibes of turn of the century London guide her steps. Someone is desperate for help, sending silent missives out into the universe and it’s your job to find them.

I *am* kind, but *extremely* firm. — Mary Poppins

Don’t wait for phone calls or appointments.

What did Mary Poppins do when she wanted to work for the Banks family? She showed up. She didn’t send emails or Snappers or TickTocks. Sure it seems like the sort of advice your out-of-touch grandfather would give, but your grandfather also wore suspenders and cleared his throat very loudly, so he’s probably worth listening to. It’s harder for potential employers to say no to someone who is standing on their doorstep than it is for them to block your email address.

Put on an air of polite superiority.

Sure the economy is a crumbling rug set atop a tower of jenga bricks. This might make you feel like your potential employer holds all the cards, but, for heaven’s sake, don’t let them know! Mary Poppins would never grovel or promise to babysit for 26 hours 7 days a week, while simultaneously managing her boss’s stock portfolio and keeping his car clean. Neither should you!

“First of all, I would like to make one thing clear: I never explain anything.” — Mary Poppins

Don’t be afraid to use a little magic.

I don’t know any magic, so I can’t be too helpful with this one, but if you have any friends who are good at casting job-getting spells, it might be time to invite them to your next socially distanced, backyard beer tasting or Zoom wedding. Mary Poppins wasn’t above magicking her way into employment, so it’s time to learn from her example.

Remember dignity counts above all else.

Even when she was floating around the ceiling, Mary Poppins managed to retain a sense of dignity and decorum. Strive to do the same. Don’t scream and don’t sit in the corner clutching your stuffed otter and drenching its fur with your salty tears. Don’t check your bank account twenty five times a day, wondering how far you can stretch those slippery little buckeroos. No one wants to write a successful kids’ novel about THAT.

“Oh, I make it a point never to give references. A very old-fashioned idea, to my mind.” — Mary Poppins

Alright, job seekers! I hope this was helpful to you and, if it wasn’t, then maybe take a full day and read the books or watch the movie over and over again until the concepts really sink into your brain. After all… you’re unemployed! What else are you going to do?

Thanks for reading. For more stuff I’m on twitter and I have a newsletter.

Engaged in inadvisable wordsmitheries and other creative acts.

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