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How to Floss Your Teeth With Water and Not Drown
Because I definitely know how to do that. Definitely.
One of the things that happens as you get older is you begin adding steps to your nighttime routine. When I was young I’d plop into bed with my face unwashed and still covered in makeup, my teeth having only made contact with a toothbrush for 20 seconds max. Now I’m older and my bones frequently mistake themselves for musical instruments of the percussive variety and my skin is starting to weigh the pros and cons of sliding down to the floor. I take more care at night.
(At least I can console myself with the fact that I wasted my youth. I’m pretty sure that’s what I was supposed to do with it.)
One of the most grown up things about me is that I take care of my teeth now. In the olden days teeth had an expiration date and when you turned 25 a dentist traveled to your town, pulled out all your teeth, set your broken leg, performed surgery on your vapours, and tried to sell you a one-eyed puppy with magical powers. These days teeth can last longer.
I’m doing my best. I floss every day. I brush in the morning and at night. I have an actual brushing technique, which involves strokes of different intensities, directions and lengths. They’re more deliberate than anything I’ve done on an actual canvas. I…
