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THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED
I Cleared Out My Medium Reading List and Now I’m Immortal
If you accomplish the unachievable, you become the impossible.
Reading lists on Medium serve a specific function.
“Of course they do,” you’re thinking. “Reading lists allow us to bookmark interesting stories, so we can read them later.”
Aw, my sweet summer sassafras. That’s not what a reading list does — Medium created this feature to ease your conscience. It allows you to pretend you’ll get around to reading that thought-provoking article on the social dynamics of squids and scallops. It’s a ruse, a lark, self-deception on a grand scale. Tony Stubblebine knows it, and now you do, too. Don’t save that article to your reading list — you’re better off chucking it into the abyss, waving goodbye, and hitting the giant cartoon button that says FLUSH.
No one actually reads the stuff on their reading list.
Except me.
There were a lot of stories in my reading list. I’m not going to tell you the actual number, because I don’t want future humans to search my name, see that number, and immediately consider me unhireable. Or maybe ineligible for a 7th cyborg arm — could happen — I don’t know what the future will be like.
I decided to attack my ever-growing reading list, and see if I could reduce it into something reasonable. Why? I like setting impossible goals for myself. It does wonders for my self-esteem.
If you recently got applause from me on an old story, it’s because I bookmarked you eighty billion years ago. Like a methodical snail, I’ve been working through my reading list, leaving a trail of claps behind me. The number of unread pieces grew smaller. Smaller. And, even smaller.
In the midst of this journey, I lost ground. I did something unforgiveable. I added a story to the list. I didn’t mean to, but it looked so interesting. I wailed in despair. Clearly I was trapped in some sort of Sisyphusian nightmare. Are there rehab programs for these kinds of problems?
Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.
BTW, if you want to clear out your Medium reading list, you’ll need the…
