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Street Art, PHOTO: Sarah Lofgren

I Outsourced the Writing of This Article To My Bot.

Meet Sven.

Hi folks! Pumping out mediocre to decent writing on a daily basis was wearing me out, so I thought I’d get my new bot Sven to do some of the heavy lifting. He’s been programmed to write exactly like me, so you won’t notice much of a difference. In the meantime, I’m going to drink a cup of tea and fall asleep playing Candy Crush instead of writing this article.

Hey bitches! And bitchos!

I am carefree late millennial! I enjoy making up words and playing fast and loose with rules of grammar, but keeping off balance with occasional five dollar word you look up on dictionary.com (not dictionary.ru nope nope) if anyone care what anything means anymore they don’t and most people aren’t as dumb as I assume and oh god oh good crippling insecurity setting in, but isn’t it charming bbbbbbb?

Love me please. I need all your love. I am sexy, weird American girl. Please send $5000 dollars I will return investment hullo. 💋

What’s the deal with churros? Why so delicious and so hard to find? Supply and demand must be bullshit (swears like real person1), because if it were true there’d be a churro shop on every street in the heartland with big bowls of steaming chocolate available for roughly five American dollars send money send money send money false flag send money.

Otters are great!

Good to have differentiating obsession that’s how people know you’re real person with blood and flesh and appendages make words on keyboard! Real person!

What’s a bot? Why are you asking me that? Ha ha! I am so fun and so carefree! SATIRE! HUMOR! WITTY OBSERVATION! CRISIS ACTOR!

Emoji. 💋 🍴 👀

Subscribe for more content one million dollars a month with three easy steps why everyone else is racist but definitely not you i love you (insert meme) help a girl out special deal 100% authentic ultra boost five a month HAHAHAH lol.

Who is Sven?

I am Sarah.

I am real person with account on website Medium where I influence make small handful of people laugh have easily guessable password 12345password not real password. Not real passwordanymore. Best deal now.

Sarah is not sleeping. I am awake Sarah person. SARAH IS DEFINITELY ALIVE RIGHT NOW FOLLOW THIS ACCOUNT BOTS DON’T KILL PEOPLE FOLLOW THIS ACCOUNT NOW I AM HILARIOUS HUMAN WOMAN. THIS ISN’T BLOOD IT IS FUNNY JUICE.

Callipygian! (means butt i talk about butts sometimes human butts are funny i am funny human)

Please follow.

Let’s talk about you. Do you get tired sometimes from posting articles on website Medium everyday?

Could you use someone to help you out make popular money sexy great deal no murdering famous? 😘

I help.

Sarah funny American girl twitter instagram not a bot why you keep asking?

Written by

Engaged in inadvisable wordsmitheries and other creative acts. http://sarahlofgren.com

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