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Italian Women are Beautiful and I am a North American Tree Frog

And it’s starting to get to me

Initially I was consumed with normal tourist fare, churches, gelato and such, but eventually I could no longer ignore an important fact. Italian women are gorgeous.

And I am a North American Tree Frog.

I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them. It isn’t a healthy way to treat this body I am learning how to love. I’ve come so far in accepting my bulgy eyes and thick throat.

But when I watch these Italian women stroll briskly past in 4 inch heels during a 90 degree day, I cannot help but wonder how I, a North American Tree Frog, could ever measure up.

My froggy feet can’t even be squeezed into a pair of silver ballet flats, let alone the Louboutins they use to maneuver the cobblestones.

These women are intimidatingly composed. Me, I cannot see another tree frog without letting out a series of noises that sound like a couple of sparklers lit inside a can of tuna fish.

They wear tight jeans and pushup bras and floaty summer dresses, while I am stuck with this mottled skin that gradually changes color from sickly green to gray and back again. These are no one’s favorite colors. I know this. I am trying to accept this. I have my own good qualities, like a long tongue and fingers. But it would be easier to accept myself if Italian women would cease wearing such bright and cheery things.

Sometimes they even stand out in the sunshine without a hat or sunglasses, like there isn’t a sun at all. I have to hide underneath submerged vegetation in ponds or lakes, otherwise I turn into one of those limp, dead frogs everyone warns you about. I’d like to sunbathe in a fashionable bikini, but, not only would I die, worse yet, I would appear ridiculous.

It isn’t fair.

Perhaps they could share some of their voodoo with me and help me to feel slightly more glamorous than I do right now. Or, if that’s simply too much to ask, perhaps they could leave a few crickets lying around all the Leonardo Da Vinci paintings for when tree frogs come to visit their country.

Thanks for reading! Sarah is a freelancer who is attempting to send dispatches from the road. Is she doing this right?

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