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Greece. PHOTO: Sarah Lofgren

Sponsors for the First Annual Self-Care Games

Putting the “Om” in Competition


HugABean is the app that delivers a hug each time you need one. Can’t deal with the daily grind any longer? Hug a virtual coffee bean for only $0.98 a hug. Because sometimes only a bean can heal a being.


At ToityTenders, we know harsh, big brand toilet papers can put a strain on the environment and your tender parts. Our subscription toilet paper isn’t even paper, it’s a unique, self-care program that allows you to overcome your modern dependency on toilet paper.

The Lady Wore Beige

From the Producers of “Clever Old Broads”, “The Lady Wore Beige” follows the journey of Elaine Pearl (played by Diane Keaton) as she learns an important lesson during a vacation to her Cape Cod hometown. Come for the low stakes emotional journey. Stay for the Eileen Fisher and hot, young male actors who remind Elaine that life is only as joyful as you allow it to be.

Bath Bomb Bombs

Bombier than your basic, boring bath bomb, Bath Bomb Bombs are for those burdensome days when everything goes bad. Drop a Bath Bomb Bomb into your bathtub and bury yourself in balmy oblivion.

(Note: Bath Bomb Bombs not responsible for any costs resulting from inappropriate use of Bath Bomb Bombs. Bath Bomb Bombs will not turn your skin green. If your skin turns green, please cease usage of Bath Bomb Bombs and go to the emergency room immediately. In extreme cases, Bath Bomb Bombs have been known to cause complete memory loss. These instances were rare and difficult to replicate in the controlled study funded by Bath Bomb Bombs. Do not use Bath Bomb Bombs if you have scurvy, freckles, diagnosed or undiagnosed adhd, sensitivity to fluorescent light, short arms, or some forms of synesthesia. Do not use Bath Bomb Bombs if you could be pregnant or are planning on standing near a baby at some point in the future.)

Bath Bomb Bombs! A little ball of bliss for your most beastly days.

Shocky Tots

Does your son keep feeding your daughter dead bees, despite the fact that you specifically told him not to? Shocky Tots is the mother’s helper you’ve been waiting for! Completely legal at the time of this advertisement, Shocky Tots delivers a quick, barely painful reminder to your kiddos that bad behavior comes with consequences. Because you deserve a quiet, stress-free home.

(Currently testing for effectiveness on husbands, wives, mother-in-laws, and telemarketers.)


The heaviest weighted blanket on the market, find relief from your anxiety with MegaBlanky. MegaBlanky weighs enough to reduce one, average-sized human being into a small, anxiety-free smear. Shipping prices may vary.

Thanks for reading! Sarah is a freelancer who exists on twitter and instagram and redbubble.

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Engaged in inadvisable wordsmitheries and other creative acts.

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