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Halong Bay, PHOTO: Sarah Lofgren

The things I’m going to do when I have 1k followers on Medium

Dream a little dream with me

“Whoa there, Sarah,” you might be thinking. “Way to put the horse before the cart! Last I checked, you aren’t even halfway to 1k followers! Why don’t you focus on creating decent pieces and hoping no one gets so offended by your writing that they start toying with the idea of breaking into your apartment and putting dead insects in your bed?”

  1. Have you ever considered that pushing things can be much easier than pulling things? Have you ever asked a horse how they’d prefer to propel a cart? If you did, you might find out they’ve been wishing we’d let them push the cart for once, instead of always sticking them in front where they can’t see what the humans are doing. For all they know, we could be doing funny dance moves in the cart. Maybe they’d like to know that.
  2. If you must put dead insects in my bed, please try to avoid using cockroaches. Though I supposed dead cockroaches would be better than live ones.
  3. What were we talking about?
  4. Oh right.
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“A shattered flowerpot on a windowsill” by Daniel Tafjord on Unsplash

First I’m going to publish an article about how I got to 1k followers.

I already have this one waiting in drafts! I did the traditional 1 month on Medium post and that went GREAT for me, so my 1k one will be super popular.

Then I’ll start hanging out with all the other 1k plussers.

I imagine we’ll all have frequent get togethers at a twee cabin in Banff. Once there I’ll be a part of all the pillow fights and wine tastings and salons on trending topics. They’re probably all there right now. One day, guys! One day I will join you.

I’ll finally have enough money to buy a house.

Once I hit 1k I’ll be raking it in from the Partner Program and I’ll finally have enough money to buy a cute little house with a picket fence, bathtub, indoor sun porch, and army of garden gnomes.

And cool, famous people will want to hang out with me.

Tilda Swinton and Tom Waits and Janelle Monáe will all want to be my best friends. Why wouldn’t they? Having 1k followers validates my deep and interesting thoughts.

Written by

Engaged in inadvisable wordsmitheries and other creative acts.

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