How to Write Emails That Will Make Support Professionals Love You
There’s a tool for everything, but this convenience often comes with dependencies. Inevitably, the programs we rely on are beset by bugs, break upon updating, or obscure their own functionality with confusing layers of navigation, scarves and jazz hands.
When this happens, it means that you’re going to have to grit your teeth and do something drastic. You’re going to have to email the support team.
I have a lot of experience with this particular activity, so allow me to guide you in getting the best possible results from your support request email.
Remember that support professionals are real people (at least 80% of the time)
Don’t craft your email for robots. Remember that a real human will (probably) read it with their eyeballs. Don’t let this intimidate you, instead view it as an opportunity to practice creating entertaining content. You never know when a letter to a support professional might end up being your big break.
Be as clear as possible when describing what is wrong
Use descriptive words and don’t exclude details that might not seem important to you. Details such as: what page the error is happening on, any updates you installed recently, what browser you’re using, any drugs (legal or illegal) that you’ve used in the last 24 hours, your general computing abilities, any bribes you’d be willing to send, and whether or not you’re hot. Be honest about that last one, because support professionals are excellent googlers.
Screenshots can help clarify what you’re seeing on your screen, since different customers could have different experiences based on their browsers and operating systems. Make sure your desktop wallpaper is kicky and it’s always fun to include a few bizarre browser tabs in the screenshot. Be creative! Everything is content.
An example of a successful support request letter I may or may not have sent:
Dear Support Professional,
There appears to be something wrong with the notifications on your app. Every time I log in I see the little flag thingie saying that I have a notification, but when I click on it, nothing is there. This is creating a sense of existential despair, because it makes me feel like no one loves me. In real life, lots of people love me because I am roughly an 8. Please let me know if there’s something you or I can do to make this flag go away, because this might be the last straw that sends me into a Seinfeldian-style rage. There are girl scout cookies on my desk. I have a history of giving cookies to people who do what I want. Just saying.
Thank you for your time.
This letter totally worked, because a year later they fixed the bug. If you’d like to use it as a template for your own support request email, please feel free to do so.